“I'm determined to create a new experience for my child, but how?” …the four steps
In taking the focus off of your ex and placing it on your child, you move away from reaction, inviting in a mindful response that nurtures your child. This shift in focus -- one that turns to your child -- is The Pro-Child Way®.
Step 1: Acknowledge the Old Way or a "typical way" of reacting to the divorced parenting situation (think Hollywood) and recognize that you are not going to do that. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m not going to do THAT. Because if I reacted that way, my child would be hurt, would be sad, would be scared, would be afraid. That is not what I am going to do.”
Step 2: Feel the pause of "I don't know". In moving from The Old Way of reacting, allow the sensation of “not knowing” to surround you; opening you to the heart centered possibilities that emerge from the Nurturing Principles. “I know the nurturing solution will come to me if I give it time. In the meantime, my ex may glare, my friends and family may vent, and I may feel uncomfortable but I will breath in and out. I will stay calm, knowing that my child is worth me taking the time to get this right."
Step 3: With an energy of inspiration, The Pro-Child response will be sparked in your mind. With discernment and mindful eyes towards your child’s future, perceive the vision. See yourself taking the steps to actualize this Pro-Child solution. See the effect on your child. “As I think of this possible solution, I close my eyes and envision how this response will play out in my child’s life. I see that through this solution, (s)he will feel loved, considered, and at peace. I see her/him thriving.”
Step 4: With conviction and open-heartedness create your child’s experience. “This new solution is the experience that I will create for my child. I will create it within my home; I will be it when with my ex.”
Simple? Yes. Easy to master? Ha! Luckily, when parenting with an ex, you'll get a lifetime of practice. The key is conviction: conviction that your child is worth it and that YOU are wonderfully powerful in creating your child's world.